Join the army

Mystic Butt Plans 🐾

Cheaper than therapy. More honest than your friends. Kobe doesn't sugarcoat.

Basic Paw 🐾
Mystic Butt Premium
$5
per month · cancel anytime
  • 🐾 100 messages a day — talk to Kobe about anything, not just tarot
  • 🐾 10 card pulls a day — Kobe needs his beauty sleep 😴
  • 🐾 All 4 decks — Ex's & Breakups, Relationships, Money, Guidance
  • 🐾 Kobe as your daily companion — vent, laugh, get real talk
  • 🐾 Copy & save your readings
  • ❤️ $1 from every sub helps homeless dogs find homes

Secured by Stripe · Cancel anytime · No hidden fees

Most Popular ✨
Mystic Butt Ultimate
$10
per month · cancel anytime
  • 🔮 Unlimited chat — Kobe is fully your bestie, no limits 😂
  • 🔮 30 card pulls a day — Kobe is fully committed to your chaos
  • 🔮 All 4 decks — Ex's & Breakups, Relationships, Money, Guidance
  • 🔮 Kobe remembers your story — follow-ups, check-ins, real continuity
  • 🔮 Priority access to new features
  • 🐾 Discounted — Kobe's Limited Edition Tarot Deck coming soon 🐾
  • ❤️ $1 from every sub helps homeless dogs find homes

Secured by Stripe · Cancel anytime · No hidden fees

Where Your Money Goes 🐾

Kobe believes in full transparency. Unlike most people.

$1
Goes to Dad — somebody's gotta be the primary bone winner around here 😂
$2+
Taxes and operating costs — the universe charges fees too apparently
$1
Helping homeless dogs find homes 🐾 This one actually matters
$1
Goes to Kobe. He earned it. Look at him.
Not ready to commit?

Free tier gives you 5 messages and 2 card pulls a day. Enough to taste it. Kobe's gotta touch grass daily. 🌿

Try Free First 🐾